Valentine's Day

YE GODS! There was a sweet smell of spring in the air today. I have walked past girls in Oxford and thought “she really shouldn't be allowed out in public; she's a danger to an impressionable man's mental health. Something should be done! Where are the Trigger warnings?"

They are everywhere -studious at their laptops in coffee bars, riding past on bicycles like an academic fantasy – speeding past on racing bikes. Have they any idea of the power they possess? Of course sometimes the do – they have an awareness of their allure from a young age. For better or worse it's part of the dynamic – women watching themselves being watched – It's OK I'm not gorping or googling; I'm not 16.

They float past subtly aware of their attractiveness - demurely avoiding eye contact or glued to their mobiles. They pass appearing stunned by their own beauty – though the younger ones more likely full of insecurities about their looks – not uncommon with beautiful women. Or they are bold and brazen – Sometimes they catch my eye and I we smile, it's lovely when that happens– my telepathic message now that I am more grown up like this: “OK I've seen you – you are gorgeous – I'll give you that – I do recognise your beauty but I have dealt with it, appreciate it and I'm cool with it – I'm OK; have a nice day."

But as my therapist recently said says: my love tank is empty and sometimes if I'm feeling vulnerable I am assaulted by the old feelings of loss – missed opportunities and regret. My therapist is a women of course – she understands men very well -do you know she did her MA dissertation on lap dancers and their clients? – yes men will pay a women just to dance for just them.

It has always been thus – Mermaids luring sailors onto the rocks. Men being driven mad by obsessive attachment. Have they not heard of Nympholepsy? T S Eliot's poor neurotic Alfred Prufrock says:

“I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

“I do not think that they will sing to me.”

The Greeks had it sorted all out with Aphrodite. She's not some bimbo pin-up goddess, she represents beauty, love, sex and fertility. She can be nurturing but also vengeful and jealous; devouring and life giving – she had the lot – poor men -we cannot resist. “Common baby light my Fire!” sang Jim Morrison masochistically – our love will be a funeral pyre!” Yes dear girls please understand, we are afraid, please treat us gently – we are easily bewitched. But you don't really understand us; as we don't really understand you – that's the tragic beauty of it all.

Valentines day – chocolates, flowers, cards M&S are selling a Heart Shaped sausage wrapped in bacon for crying out load. -no help at all to us singletons – it's like Mothers Day when your mother's passed on. It will get worse – on into summer – long summer evenings, intoxicating summer smells – I can't wait... HELP!

How I see myself in Oxford this Summer