Strange Days Have Found Us.

So we're now in the 3rd week of our relatively liberal lock down. The 23rd of March was the last time I had gathered with chums in Oxford and the first time I felt a bit spooked – it was a “this is really happening” moment. People must have had the same feeling at the start of WW2 – except greatly magnified. I was looking around for a place to get my coffee fix; to my relief good old Greggs was open. I was very pleased recently to see this Greggs opening in the centre of Oxford. Good honest cheap food unlike the poncy expensive things in most coffee chains. I bought my takeaway coffee to the sounds of REM singing - It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)- and I smiled.

It was a good day to have a birthday on Sunday the 29th. I got more attention and phone calls than usual. and that made me feel I belonged; I suppose people are focussed and aware of their connections under the present circumstances. Also Facebook helps with the attention. The one birthday card was a few days late but I had quite a few phone calls perhaps the most meaningful form of communication, especially at this time.

It was cruel to have the final lock down during these gorgeous sunny days that we have waited so long for. At least since the 23rd March we now know where we stand - basically stay in - your not missing anything. So I don't have to suffer from my usual “missing out syndrome.” There is usually so much going on in Oxford that if I stay in I think I'm missing something amazing and when it's an effort to go out - even more so. In the words of The Clash “Should I stay or should I go now – If I go there will be trouble – If I stay there will be double”. The reality is usually nothing to get too excited about.....if I'm feeling down and fragile, a bit sensitive, then I can hesitate even more. Under those conditions going out is never such a big deal – if I just do it. But this condition is more a relic of my younger more neurotic days of anxiety. Basically if I don't go out to an event I have missed something amazing – it's such a relief to have a later report from a friend that the event was a bit of a let down. I hadn't bothered to go and I was quite right not to bother!

Uncertainty is the mother of anxiety. I am growing to love reality. What is real and what is not? That was very good advice from my therapist. I am getting better at making that call. – I think it is just about acceptable to say “my therapist” in British society now. It always seemed to be fine in America – but that was judging by films and TV – they always seemed to be saying proudly “my therapist.....” Wearing one's neuroses with pride always seemed OK in the good old US of A. I'm not sure if that was just on the West and East coasts. But being British I proudly hasten to add - I'm not in therapy now! - (I just touched wood.)

I didn't exactly predict this pandemic but I did mention it's possibility in October last year in my Blog Carpe Diem! – A Lesson From Pompeii (no less!):

“Our children are being scared witless with fears of climate Armageddon. There has been less talk of the possibility of a drug resistant pandemic"

I mentioned it in the context of a kind of death wish expressed through those armageddon exaggerations, brexit derangement syndromes and extinction rebellion excesses.

Statistics are a strange beast. It is maybe true that flying is one of the safest form of transport but that is hardly a comfort, and I would feel cheated if I was on an airline plunging towards earth and the calm rationalist in the seat next me is explaining how unlikely you are to die in an air-crash.

Looking at statistics from past epidemic is sobering – Spanish flu after the first world war killed bteween 17 & 50 million. The black death killed about 60 million - half the population of Europe. Mind boggling numbers -but none of that matters if you are now in intensive care struggling to breath. The reality of death for the individual has always been the main call. We are born live and die as individuals even though we survive on an emotional diet of connection.. The existential reality is that we we die alone, singularly not on mass.

At least we have something tangible or untouchable rather (ha-ha) to explain things. In medieval days they didn't know what was going on -they made the best of things with their own world view. A Miasma carrying decay and planetary conjunctions was their explanation or God's punishment for human sins. While were on the subject medieval people didn't think the earth was flat. (Why does it annoy me so much when I hear people claim that – It makes me very intolerant – strange that presses my button so much) anyway - they weren't stupid at least no more than people today. Now we have the 5G conspiracy nutters at work. What caused the trouble with the Church was that those of a scientific bent were questioning the idea that the earth was at the centre of Universe as understood at those times. We shouldn't be smug in this regard – they made the best use of their current knowledge as we are doing with unknowns about how this virus behaves. Narcissism or maybe chauvinism is a better word for this issue We are just as likely to fall into the same conceit today. Take note celebrates, journalists, politicians and the media in general you are not the centre of the universe. This Covid business has all been in some respects a great leveller for the self righteous. We may see a bit of humility in action; it's what many of those key workers have already in their usually unsung daily lives.

We were in such a different place so recently. First we had the election with a clear result and that was such a relief. Then everything changed. Who would have thought or imagined we were in for another great clunk in the machine. The tedium of the ongoing Brexit debate and the election result was like someone opening a window in an increasingly stuffy & smelly room – then this Covid shocker putting a lot of the hoo-ha in perspective. I was relieved about Brexit though. The idea of Europe homogenising into a superstate will not work, especially not in times of crisis when each nations qualities will out – both good and bad. When this passes we can have a reboot – we have switched the machine off and will have to put it on again - we all know that can work even when we have exhausted the recommendations in the official manual. What comes of all this is uncertain but it at least it will be interesting. This is a tragic a dose of stiff medicine for our societies that can be for the good in the longer term.

Another thing I hate is when some people say in summer. “What's the point of wasps?” What a mean attitude. That really gets my goat. That's chauvinism that is! I haven't heard the same said about viruses yet. Viruses have emerged as the most abundant biological entities on earth, whether they are actually living or not is a mute point perhaps. They don't do much except copy themselves, invading living cells and using the machinery of cell to replicate. They infect all other living things and they go back a long way.

More recently they are appreciated as probably having a major role in evolution – facilitating gene transfer between cells - and maybe even responsible for the development of eukaryote cells -that is those with a nucleus – the sort that make up multicellular organisms like us.

Without the distractions of life structure and work contact the big question for everybody will be how am I connected to others at this time. Being an alcoholic that has been a particular survival question for myself and others in recovery – that is our base line question – so we have that advantage. For some this question will bring people closer or it will exacerbate unresolved tensions. But like all bad events there is an opportunity for growth.

I wonder what's next – an asteroid hurtling toward earth, volcanic ash causing an endless winter, our beloved Sun has a tantrum, antibiotic resistant bacterial pandemic? Somehow anything seems better than that 4 years of pre-brexit constipation.