RELATE

In these gender bending times I have only so far been asked once how I identified myself. It was at my first session at RELATE last year. I wasn't inclined to make a smart arse reply at the time – I just went with it and said the obvious.

I was at relate but without someone to relate to – because I was single at least in the everyday sense. There was myself, (extremely male obviously by all the sensory clues) the lady counsellor and an empty chair – for my partner that wasn't. Nor was this a session of Gestalt therapy which does employ the empty chair technique. I have done that in the past and my deceased mother was in the chair, which is not unusual as you can imagine.

Over the years any activity that I partake in such as classes in yoga, art, singing and drama, psychotherapy courses in fact any classes are dominated by women. I'm not complaining, I do like women on the whole. I seem to be drawn to female dominated pursuits; they seem to be everywhere. They also dominate massively in certain work sectors – that can be problematic for young men who grow up with no male role models.

If I had to choose between spending time with a group of men or women, then I would choose the latter. It is of course a gross generalisation but men's conversation tends to be rather linear, travelling in lines along well trodden paths...sometimes into cul de sacs where the energy dissipates. I would chose the sparkly conversation women produce and the random connections – their conversation is playful and basically more FUN.

But I digress! My butterfly brain- do I have a female mind? I had been driven to relate because of the sea of troubles that a recent relationship had caused me. Or to put it in a more adult “taking responsibility” sort of way - the sea of troubles I had caused myself over said attachment.... your honour.

It was horrifically and exquisitely complex and so unbearable that I kept going back for more. Except for polite hellos I have not had any contact with this wonderful creature of doom but sadly still virtually attached of course – it feels like unfinished business -that may well never be finished. She would disagree with me 100% but then she could change her mind 180°on almost a daily basis. She was quite proud to be consistently inconsistent. I wonder if that was the final chapter in that fascinating story? I could already write a book on the our relatively brief entanglement.

And before you think I am stereotyping; she loved statistics – more of a science type – definitely not a tree hugger . Towards the end, too much time with me brought on certain conflicting feelings that she was trying to avoid. I did ask her if she had used statistical techniques to judge the optimum time we could spend together – she hadn't but we agreed that it was about 75 minutes – we did share a tremendous sense of humour.

The relate lady didn't think I had much wrong with me and I didn't have a partner with me to convince her - so I didn't continue with the sessions; however, I would recommend relate to anyone, they provide an excellent service. But take someone with you– it does help.